Ten years ago I was living in a small flat by the sea, facing east. One of my most cherished memories from that time was the ‘path’ made by the moonlight reflected in the water – ripples of light leading to a smooth pool of silver on the far horizon. I knew it was an illusion, and that the silver pool could never really be reached, but that didn’t stop me wanting to jump in a boat and set out to try.
The Moon card in the Anna K Tarot captures this feeling perfectly. As soon as I saw the artwork for this card, I fell in love (as I did with The Star and The Sun – all cards I can struggle to connect with in other decks).
Recently, The Moon has been appearing in pretty much all my readings – when it’s not in the spread, it will usually be the extra card I draw for clarification.
For me, right now, it has a very particular meaning: I am still in convalescence. That isn’t easy to accept – but every time I try to push past this truth and carry on as though I were completely fine, I crash. It happens over and over again. It will keep happening until I accept this new truth and reflect it in my actions. I am still emerging from a very dark time; whatever happens next, this is where I am coming from. I need to embrace that truth, to work with it positively, instead of pushing it back down into the darkness where it trips me up.
In Anna K’s interpretation, The Moon symbolises “times in which you meet your primal fears, times of mourning and sadness,” and the need to embrace the darkness as well as the light, a message which chimes with my experience right now. Inescapably, for a card of illusion, delusion and – let’s face it – ‘lunacy’, The Moon forces me to face up to the state of my mental health, and the fact that it is no longer something I can take for granted.
But The Moon also draws us on, with its irresistible tidal pull. It calls me, as I paddle out in my little boat, heading towards that silver horizon: it asks me to trust the process. I may never reach that silver pool of light, but I will get somewhere.
So I’m beginning again. The illness which took me away from my career has brought me back again, transformed. But before I take the next step, it’s time to spend a while reflecting on the nature of that transformation: only then can I head off into the light of The Sun with my whole, healed self.